02/03/2004: 
Stuff That Doesn't Rock
Rock out with your cock out
Dio Joins Race for the Presidency
Heavy metal rocker Ronnie James Dio has thrown his hat in the ring for the Democratic Presidential nomination. Among Dio's plans for America include his health care reforms (stomach pumping at emergency rooms will feature "get one free for every 10 pumps" punch card) and same sex marriage protections ("Rob Halford wants it, so it's cool with me."). However, some recent acrimony (see "Dio Blames Faulty Codpiece for Unscheduled Testicular Cameo" in the campaign blog) has caused some lagging in the polls:
A CNN/Gallup poll of 200 likely voters in the seven primary states shows a strong lead for Sen. John Kerry (MA), followed closely by the other major candidates; Dr. Dio currently polls at an abysmal #16-wedged between jokey write-in candidates "Barney Fife" at #15 and "That guy who played Potsie" at #17.
