03/05/2004: 
Stuff That Doesn't Suck
"I want to fight the wussification of the state of Texas."
Front man for the country music group 'The Texas Jewboys' wants to run the Lone Star State
from Houston Chronicle
referred by alert reader Kilik
MEDINA -- Unleash your inner Texan and vote Kinky.
Kinky Friedman, best-selling author, country music singer, humorist, friend of stray dogs and salsa merchant, is running for governor of Texas in 2006 as an independent. Friedman is the man behind the song "Get Your Biscuits in the Oven and Your Buns in the Bed" and author of the book "Kill Two Birds and Get Stoned."
For all of those wondering why the front man for the country music group 'The Texas Jewboys' wants to run the Lone Star State, Kinky will put down his cigar and say from under his 10-gallon hat: "Why the hell not?"
"I want to fight the wussification of the state of Texas. I want to rise and shine and bring back the glory of Texas," Friedman said. "I am a writer of fiction who tells the truth."
Friedman, whose first name is Richard but is known by Kinky and a few other names that are not publishable, does not have a campaign platform -- mostly out of fear there may be a trapdoor somewhere underneath that will spring open and leave him swinging.
He writes a regular column for Texas Monthly magazine and is the author of 17 novels. His amusingly dark mystery "The Prisoner of Vandam Street," comes out this month.
For those interested in the ways and manners of Texas, he wrote "The Guide to Texas Etiquette, or How to Get to Heaven or Hell Without Going Through Dallas-Fort Worth."
Well hot damn. Should he choose to join forces with the Republic of Texas he would indeed be a force to be reckoned with. How can you deny a man that says "I am not pro-life, I am not pro-choice, I am pro football."
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Kinky, 59, is serious about the governor's race. He hopes to campaign as a populist who will use his colorful image while borrowing a page or two from the campaign of California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger to build a voter base."We are taking a page from Howard Dean and a page from Arnold. And now the thing doesn't seem so crazy anymore to a lot of people," he said in an interview.
SMOKING CIGARS AND KISSING MOTHERS
Kinky, who was born in Chicago and moved to Texas as a child, has a salt-and-pepper mustache, under which sits an ever-present cigar. He has curly hair that is rarely seen because he almost always wears a cowboy hat. He dresses like a cowboy, but he accents his outfits with Hawaiian shirts or a Star of David medallion.
The campaign will be unconventional, irreverent and star-studded. "I just want to be as honest and as open as I can be. I will not kiss babies. I'll kiss their mothers," he said.
Cal Jillson, a political science professor at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, said the main interest in the governor's race will be on the Republican nominee, and whether U.S. Senator Kay Bailey Hutchison will come back to Texas to take on incumbent Republican Gov. Rick Perry.
"Until the Republican candidate becomes clear, we can entertain ourselves with Kinky," Jillson said.
And the entertainers will be on the road with Kinky.
Kinky said country music greats Willie Nelson and Dwight Yoakam have pledged their support along with actors Robert Duval, Billy Bob Thorton and Johnny Depp. Magicians Penn and Teller have promised to make any opponent disappear.
When it comes to bipartisan support, Kinky is one of the few people around who can list presidents Bill Clinton and George W. Bush as friends.
Even though he may have political connections, Kinky promises that he will not be politically correct. He may take a centrist position that seems to be off the map.
After all, this is the man who wrote the song "They Ain't Making Jews Like Jesus Anymore."
"Traditionally Texans have been known for having a lot of wide-open spaces between our ears. But because of the expanse of geography, we have a real independent spirit, which creates some original thought once in a while," he said.
Kinky is known for having a wild past, dating a former Miss Texas and peppering his speech with phrases worthy of a cowboy who just sat down on a prickly pear cactus.
BRING YOUR OWN WEAPONS
"There are no skeletons in my closet. They are all bleaching on a beach somewhere," he said.
You want to know Kinky's stand on gun control?
"I do not carry a gun myself, so if someone is going to shoot me, they better remember to bring their own weapon."
On abortion?
"I am not pro-life, I am not pro-choice, I am pro football."
On the serious side, Kinky would like to establish a Texas Peace Corps where people could volunteer and help the state. He was a member of the Peace Corps in Borneo, where he taught agriculture to people who had been successfully farming for 2,000 years.
He would like to see nondenominational prayer in school and make Texas a state that does not allow animal shelters or pounds to kill abandoned or stray pets.
He has no plans to get a make-over for the campaign. He will smoke his cigars and wear his cowboy hat low over his curly hair.
"I got a straight perm a few months ago. It was so bad that it made me look like Hitler as a used car salesman," he said.
