04/14/2005: 
Asshat of the Week
Birds: Weapons of Ass Destruction?
from St. Louis Post-Dispatch
A Centreville woman claimed in a suit filed Wednesday in Madison County Circuit Court that a bird attacked and seriously injured her while she was shopping at a hardware store in Alton.
Rhonda Nichols, 40, alleges in the suit that a bird flew into the back of her head while she was at the outside gardening area of the Lowe's Home Center, 1619 Homer Adams Parkway.
Nichols is seeking damages against the store in excess of $50,000.
According to the suit, filed by the St. Louis firm of Anderson & Associates, the store "allowed wild birds to enter the Gardening area in which customers travel ... (and) that said wild birds created a dangerous condition."
Nichols claims the bird caused injuries to her head, brain, neck, muscles, bones, nerves, discs, ligaments, as well leading to the loss of neurological functions and cognitive skills. Despite this near death experience, she is back to work less then a month later.
There was a bird... outside!? What are the chances? I know for a fact that Lowe's employees can control wild animals with their mind... or is that just me?
4 Annotations Submitted
Thursday the 14th of April, prof noted:
"Nichols claims the bird caused injuries to her head, brain..."
I think that says it all right there.
Thursday the 14th of April, prof noted:
two minutes after reading this article, I got an email from HR in my company, I kid you not. (company name obfuscated to protect my ass)
From: Human Resources Department
Sent: Thursday, April 14, 2005 2:44 PM
To: All Boston Users
Subject: Message from Facilities
Although we are all excited about having the natural surroundings, it is imperative that you do not feed the turkeys, geese or any other fowl or animals you see around the building. It can be a safety issue for all of us.
Thanks.
Facilities Department
Thursday the 14th of April, awiggins noted:
Which is sort of funny because there was a huge ass turkey running around outside my office this very morning.
Thursday the 14th of April, prof noted:
Clearly you have a "safety issue." You should evaluate your legal options.
